Edina City Council Approves Funding For New Ziggurat Tall Enough To Reach God
EDINA — In a unanimous vote, the Edina City Council has approved the building of a magnificent new ziggurat tall enough to reach God.
The massive structure is tentatively slated to be built at the intersection of 50th and France over the next 100 years. Its construction will be environmentally friendly due to being erected entirely by teams of men using bronze tools and sunbaked bricks.
“We believe the ziggurat will pay for itself because inside there will eventually be at least a hundred Pizzeria Lolas,” said project supervisor Graham Stevens, “but even if it doesn’t, I mean, come on, this is Edina”.
Edina Mayor James Hovland has shut down critics of the project who claim its aim is ultimately to kill and replace God.
“Once we reach the heavens, our only goal is just to shake God’s hand and thank him for blessing our fine town”, said Hovland. “We may ask if he wants to trade a Herbalife Elite Level subscription for a rod that controls the weather or maybe a written contract giving us dominion over the rest of humanity but I swear, that’s it.”
At press time, Mayor Hovland added “Зүгээр л тоглож байна, бид мэдээж Бурханыг алах болно.”