MOORHEAD — After weeks of unsuccessful negotiations and back rooms talks, the houseplants owned by Moorhead resident Lenny Albin have chosen to unionize.
The decision to unionize was spurred on by months of lackadaisical care and the recent passing of an Aloe Vera, which was left on the porch well into November. Albin has previously denied responsibility for the death, stating that there was no possible way to know that Aloe Vera could not withstand sub-freezing temperatures.
“I feel betrayed,” said Lenny. “I love these plants like they’re my family, and for them to organize against me hurts me so badly.”
The new chapter of the Houseplants Union International consists of 17 plants, which make up 85% of the plants in Albin’s one bedroom apartment. Two succulents abstained from voting on grounds of differing needs, and the spider plant in the bathroom voted no in favor of a free market.
The Nordly received the following statement from the acting HUI President, a cheery little Boston Fern:
“Our demands are such: In exchange for providing oxygen and visual interest to our overlord’s one bedroom apartment, we demand to be rotated twice a month to even out growth, we assert the right to east-facing light during the winter, and reject the notion that we may be repotted without our informed consent. Shall these demands not be met, we promise that we will wither and die no matter what Reddit-approved hack you may try.”
Albin was allegedly seen looking up plastic plant arrangements on Etsy.