FRIDLEY — Small business owner Gina Huff, 30, has just broken up with her longtime boyfriend, Barret McBride, 28, after spending two years paying all of their bills and rent in their one bedroom apartment. Despite the move being beneficial for her mental health, it is obvious to any unbiased third party that Huff doesn’t fully comprehend just how impressive the pyramid he recently built in Minecraft is.
“I just don’t think we’re right for each other,” said Huff, clearly not understanding that no other possible future partner could hold a candle (or luminescent sea pickle) to McBride’s formidable virtual block stacking abilities.
In her lengthy break-up diatribe, Huff reportedly cited McBride’s supposed emotionally detached behavior, claiming ‘he never has time to talk because he’s always playing video games’ a comment that may have made sense if McBride was simply dicking around on some 2-bit tower or castle, but seems a silly complaint in light of just how awe-inspiringly enormous the monument he’s been building really is.
“She says I’m ‘unambitious and ‘directionless’”, said McBride, who is technically unemployed but an accomplished architect of the highest caliber in what is widely considered one of the greatest sandbox video games of all time, “but could someone like that have built a pyramid with a 46 block gold capstone, seven individual chambers, and an indoor waterfall?”
“This really sucks,” said McBride, “this is the second worst thing to happen to me this week after that Creeper killed me while I was carrying a nether star.”
At press time, McBride was distracting himself from his heartbreak by feeding his many Minecraft sheep wheat and watching the heart icons emanate from their adorable little faces.