LAKE COUNTY — In an effort to ensure the venture’s success on social media, Edina resident Nicole Nelson, 28, has brought a classically trained bear along on her friend groups’ annual camping trip up North in case the regular bears don’t do anything cute or funny enough to bother posting photos of on Instagram.
“I definitely want to have an authentic experience, but I need to make absolutely sure we can post at least one or two beautifully lit pics of a bear rummaging through our perfect little wicker picnic basket or drinking from a stream just as the sun rises above the treeline,” said Nelson, “and Ted here can do all that flawlessly and perform every part of Swan Lake.”
The talented 700 lb animal, a 25-year-old Alaskan Kodiak bear whose full name is “Theodore Teddington”, was owned as a cub by the late Marlon Brando and originally cast in the 2015 film The Revenant, though he was ultimately replaced on the first day of shooting after his performance was so distractingly emotional Leonardo DiCaprio refused to appear in a scene with him because he feared it’d make him look bad in comparison.
Nelson reportedly arranged for the animal to be airlifted into the remote campsite in the Boundary Waters, where he will stay nearby in a fully furnished production trailer until he’s needed for photos at the trip’s conclusion should an ordinary bear fail to show up and do anything good. While Nelson is confident in Teddington’s ability to look natural, she’s hoping to use him only as a last resort because “some of my Instagram friends from LA might recognize him from his 2018 one-bear show at the Pantages.”
“This is just excessive,” said Nelson’s friend Candace Adams, 29, “I just wanted to have a relaxing weekend in nature and now I have to listen to the craft services people loudly complain about drama in their improv team”
Sources say Nelson has assured her friends that Teddington is perfectly safe but if something goes wrong, he’ll be immediately shot with a tranquilizer dart from any one of the three helicopters she’s arranged to circle the campsite to constantly monitor him.