SAINT PAUL — During one of the busiest nights of the State Fair, multiple fairgoers reported a large group of intimidating teens that appeared mean and ready to tease all that passed their bench. Complaints that the teens were shouting a lot and seemed comfortable in their own skin prompted many to speculate the teenagers are definitely the popular kids in their grade and capable of roasting anyone on sight. “Early reports indicate the individuals are the coolest kids at Edina Valley View Middle School,” disclosed Max Engleson, a Minnesota State Fair official, noting “the combination of Edina and popularity is a dangerous mix, and the children are unreasonably confident and self-assured as a result.” Concerned that the group of teens also felt empowered to act out due to the lack of supervision at the Minnesota State Fair, grown adults intentionally avoided crossing the 8th graders’ paths by sneaking behind the Corn Roast in fear.
Following an hour stretch in which the group of menacing junior high students monopolized the basketball games, the children placed themselves directly in the middle of the Sweet Martha’s Cookie Jar line. Fairgoers that chose to stand in line for the Minnesota State Fair favorite reported being peer pressured to take a hit of a JUUL stolen from the older brother of Kyle Feck, the group’s leader. “Eye witnesses have provided testimony stating the group appears to be made entirely of couples,” Mr. Engleson said, adding “their gratuitous public displays of affection are both uncomfortable to passers-by and serve as further evidence that these kids totally rule. This all but guaranteeing they will make fun of us and our families for simply enjoying our time at the fair.” At press time, the teens were overheard laughing hysterically, likely at the way you are dressed.