How to Make Homemade Lefse as Cold, Dry and Bland as Your Lockdown Lovelife

Like many other single folks, it’s possible that you’ve felt the cold sting of loneliness these past nine months. And what better way to make up for the lack of heat in all aspects of your life than to make a Scandinavian holiday treat that tastes like a tortilla that saw a ghost and was just a little “off” ever since!  

1)   Get ten pounds of potatoes: that’s right, ten pounds of spuds just for you! You’ll need all those spuds to make this technically flavored delicacy. Stare back proudly into the eyes of the cashier who is trying to hide their second-hand embarrassment at seeing someone buy ten pounds of potatoes, six French bread pizzas, and a Pez dispenser.

2)   Mix it up! Everything that goes into lefse— milk, sugar, salt, butter, and flour— is essentially flavorless and nonthreatening. There is nothing in this lefse that could be described as juicy or tempting. Actually, as you roll out your dense little potato balls into disks, you’ll begin to find the idea of anything beyond a solemn handshake with someone you’re attracted to incredibly dangerous and ultimately unwise.

3)   Let’s heat it up! After you’ve rolled out your celibate disks, fry them slightly on a griddle until they are just barely cooked. It is deeply important to not expose your lefse to a hot, sizzling, oiled up griddle. You do NOT want to smash up your lefse again and again against something so inviting. A simple thirty-second exposure on both sides will make sure you don’t fall prey to any ideas of warm embraces or caressing of any kind.

And there you have it, lefse! A dessert brought to you by the people who left a frozen tundra country to colonize another area of frozen tundra country. If that won’t continue to keep you closed for romantic business, we’re not sure what will!