WASHINGTON D.C.— In an unprecedented move, the United States Supreme Court decided today that it will officially declare the current American law enforcement system unconstitutional and fund peaceful alternatives on the condition that a colorful infographic posted on Instagram receives at least one million likes.
The 5-4 decision was supported by more liberal judges Kagan, Sotomayor, and Breyer as well as established conservatives Alito and Kavanaugh, who apparently did so as a joke.
“There’s just no way this infographic is actually going to get a million likes. Ninety-nine percent of people will see it and just keep scrolling,” said Kavanaugh, scoffing in derision, “Only one percent of people are courageous enough to do the actual hard work of clicking a post twice.”
The pastel-colored 10-page infographic, which features such slides as “The ABCs Of Oppression”, “Centering Self Care” and “How To Avoid Burnout For Allies”, is full of overly decorative fonts, adorable clip art, and a single link that leads to the Amazon store page for the book “White Fragility”.
This is only the second Supreme Court decision of this type, after a 2015 case in which same-sex marriage was made legal because the Macklemore song “Same Love” went viral.