THE NORDLY HEADQUARTERS — Despite clear warning signs from both President Trump and on right-wing social media for a month beforehand, Minnesota’s finest comedy writers are struggling to come up with a single humorous spin for the attempted coup on the Capitol.
“I’m trying to come up with something, but everything I’ve got in my Notes app seems kind of trite,” said one writer during a staff meeting immediately following the insurrection.“Like, we always thought we might end up at this point, but we’ve always used it as the punchline. I’m suddenly realizing I’ve never heard a good Trump joke.”
97.89% of Nordly writers reported feeling fatigued by the mental strain of trying to be funny during what possibly could have been the end of American democracy. Some simply felt that they did not have the time to draft up an article in between checking the news and staring off into the middle distance.
The Nordly’s Editors expressed their frustration as well.
“When in doubt, we usually connect something like this to someone batshit crazy Jesse Ventura. Like, the insurrection has even ruined the fun of a conspiracy-theorist former pro wrestler Minnesota governor” said Editor-in-Chief Jonathan Gershberg, “Is nothing sacred?”
At time of publication, The Nordly has not yet come up with the perfect jab to heal our deeply divided nation.