Coon Rapids resident Sam Davenport, 29, unwisely blew his entire $600 stimulus check on rent instead of ordering fifty delicious combo appetizer plates from Applebee’s.
Sources close to Davenport say he forwarded the entire $600 to his landlord immediately upon receiving it without giving so much as a single thought to instead purchasing an array of heavenly finger foods like chicken quesadillas, mozzarella sticks, and boneless wings slathered in his choice of classic buffalo, honey BBQ, or sweet Asian chili sauce.
“I’ve been really struggling since I lost my job a few months ago and while the stimulus check wasn’t enough, at least I was able to pay for rent this month,” said Davenport, seemingly unaware that Applebee’s offers a uniquely delectable house-made Ranch dip.
“Whether he’d chosen to buy three a day for 16 days or all at once and kept the leftovers in a cooled storage facility, it would have been a far better deal to have purchased fifty combo platters from one of Applebees’ many convenient greater Twin Cities area locations instead of wasting it all on something as frivolous as rent,” said economics professor Dr. David Bowman. “It would have stimulated both the economy and his weary tastebuds with an unforgettable explosion of tangy goodness – a true win-win.”
Many Americans are reportedly making similarly nearsighted financial decisions with their COVID-19 stimulus checks.
“We’re finding that many people are buying things like warm clothes or diapers for their children instead of treating themselves to, for instance, 48 plates of Chili’s Southwestern Eggrolls or 67 Outback Steakhouse’s signature blooming onions,” said Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, wiping tears from his eyes and shaking his head in despair. “I wish it wasn’t so but if people are throwing their money away like this, what else can we in government do?”
At press time, Sam Davenport was eating a cup of instant noodles while cooped up inside his apartment instead of breathing the fresh outside air while enjoying one of Applebee’s tantalizing “2 for $22” deals, available for a limited time only at participating locations.