Immediately after submitting his responses to the Census, Hibbing resident Mike Tollefson was disheartened that the survey did not inquire about the number of mounted fish he has displayed in his garage.
“I just don’t understand”, said the 54 year old factory manager, “don’t they need to know the size of the walleye I caught back in ‘15?”
The Census is a constitutionally required survey of the American populace that occurs every 10 years. The information gathered is used to draw new congressional districts and determines where billions of dollars of federal government resources are spent.
“I just don’t see how they can really get a sense of the local population without knowing that I have not one, not two, but four huge muskies taxidermied by my cousin Karl.”
All US households are required to fill out the census, regardless of their citizenship or immigration status. Details will only be used by the census bureau, and cannot be shared with other government agencies, including ICE.
“Or the Fish and Wildlife Service!” said Tollefson, throwing his hands up into the air.
Heads of households are asked to list the number of people living under one roof, yet do not require any descriptions of the number of preserved bass in their possession, much to Tollefson’s chagrin.
“Sure they asked about how many people live in my household, but I care about these fish just as much as any of my boring, gill-less children.”
Tollefson thinks that the issue might be that he completed the questionnaire online.
“A lady came over to fill out the census last time and I gave her photos of all 17 of my fish” he said. “I’d imagine she’d want them again.”
The lack of questions pertaining to aquatic wildlife has left Tollefson distraught.
“What’s the point of fishing if no one from the federal government wants to see what you caught”?