Jonathan Gershberg

Report: Lake Gross

“Our findings point to strong correlations between people looking at this lake and them saying “ewwww”, says freshwater biologist Professor Catherine Washington, the lead researcher on the team. “In addition, our own qualitative analysis of the lake has confirmed that shit is nasty,” she added.

Passive Aggressive Rusty Patched Bumble Bee Just Going to Wait Until People Realize It’s Extinct

Despite being integral to the health of the Midwestern ecosystem, the rusty patched bumble bee has decided to not make a “big deal” about its slow descent into extinction.

“No, we get it. You’re all super busy and stuff and might not have time to notice that one of the most essential pollinators in your region might vanish from the face of this earth” said Drone 4752, a rusty patched hive spokesbee.