Jonathan Gershberg
Report: Lake Gross
MINNEAPOLIS — After conducting an extensive, 30-year longitudinal, double-blind study that also included a review…
Report: Lake Gross
“Our findings point to strong correlations between people looking at this lake and them saying “ewwww”, says freshwater biologist Professor Catherine Washington, the lead researcher on the team. “In addition, our own qualitative analysis of the lake has confirmed that shit is nasty,” she added.
Mall of America Betting People Will Risk Lives for Orange Julius
BLOOMINGTON — Despite research showing that spending time indoors with many other people significantly increases…
Sad! Bike Lane Makes It Impossible for Driver to Go 75 mph on Residential Street
“It’s just such a convenience. I can get from my apartment to work downtown in seven minutes, but only if I go at least 70,” said Honsmeyer, as he forlorn stared at the two-foot wide painted strip in his detailed Honda Civic. “What am I supposed to do, wake up earlier to get to work on time?”
Passive Aggressive Rusty Patched Bumble Bee Just Going to Wait Until People Realize It’s Extinct
Despite being integral to the health of the Midwestern ecosystem, the rusty patched bumble bee has decided to not make a “big deal” about its slow descent into extinction.
“No, we get it. You’re all super busy and stuff and might not have time to notice that one of the most essential pollinators in your region might vanish from the face of this earth” said Drone 4752, a rusty patched hive spokesbee.
Mike Pence Regrets Not Licking More Patients at Mayo Clinic
Photo by Gage Skidmore