HOPKINS — In a turn of events that’s been described as both aggravating and typical, your most difficult family member has stated, “I don’t really want anything for Christmas this year” after being asked what they would like for a gift.
Despite pleas for a single gift idea, your most melodramatic family member stuck to their guns, insisting that they’re fine, and that they “have so much stuff around the house, anyway.”
Sources claim that your passive-aggressive kin made this statement during your obligatory once-a-month phone call, shortly after they explained their new dietary restrictions, and before they launched into their scientific theory on the toxins in Advil. The conversation lasted well over forty-five minutes, but your most difficult family member, who must be trying to get into heaven or something, did not back down.
“I’m just lucky to be alive, you know I’m no spring chicken. Oh, your Great-Half-Uncle was good at getting gifts, but he’s been gone now for so long, honey, I just don’t know. I just don’t need anything in my life because I’m so lucky, it’s like every day is Christmas.”
At time of publication, your mother was still insisting that a fat wad of cash or a stack of lottery scratchers was “a wildly inappropriate” gift for your most difficult relative.