MPR Won’t Fire Predator DJ Unless He Does Something Horrific Like Change the Song Lineup

ST. PAUL — In response to the resignation of reporter Marianne Combs, who alleged that senior producers stonewalled her story detailing the sexual misconduct of a DJ for The Current, MPR News has announced that they will not fire the DJ in question unless they find abhorrent behavior like altering the music lineup.

Combs’ allegations come on the heels of a high profile firing of Garret McQueen, the only Black host of MPR’s Classical station, for changing the line up of songs to include a more diverse array of music. 

“We take allegations of sexual misconduct against our employees very seriously” said MPR President Duchesne Drew “but not as seriously, as say,  if someone changed one of our masterfully crafted playlists”.

“That is just beyond the pale” Drew added, shuddering visibly. 

“We are committed to ensuring that the integrity of our playlists are maintained to the highest degree” continued Drew, “as for the DJs they are welcome to prey upon teenage girls all they want. Just don’t fucking touch that playlist”  

Clearly the news has rattled many longtime listeners to MPR and the Current. 

“I’m shocked and appalled, how could MPR let this happen again” said noted MPR fan Garrison Keillor. “I hope he keeps his job. It would be a shame to lose such an inspiring young talent over a few measly allegations.”

Drew then shared a list of various offenses that merit dismissal including “not playing Prince every hour”, “talking above a whisper” and “being Black”.