New Charity Spreads Christmas Spirit By Giving Out Free Drunk Uncles

A new Twin Cities based charity is seeking to spread the holiday spirit by handing out free drunk uncles to needy families this Christmas.

The non-profit organization, called “Uncles for All”, was founded earlier this year by Minneapolis small business owner Bethany Baker. “The idea came to me several years ago when I spent Christmas away from home with a friend’s family,” Baker explained, “dinner went smoothly and everyone had a good, drama-free time. It just didn’t feel like Christmas”.

Baker, who comes from a large family, was blessed with several inebriated uncles while growing up. “It really opened my eyes that not everyone can experience that unique Christmas feeling of consoling your uncle Arnold after his emotional speech about how OJ Simpson was really good in ‘The Naked Gun’”.

Anyone with an extra drunk uncle can donate by directing him towards one of the many donation drop off bins across the Twin Cities. The bins are conveniently disguised as sports bars advertising a WWII trivia night.

“Right now, we have an over-abundance of uncles who won’t stop humming A-ha’s ‘Take on Me’ as well as uncles who’ve already passed out using the family dog as a pillow” said one volunteer, “but we’re in desperate need of uncles that still have opinions on Al Franken”.

Uncles are distributed as soon as a home is found. “I’m so grateful for Uncles for All,” said one drunk uncle recipient, “He’s been living on the couch for the last couple days and already he’s nearly burned down the house trying to make gingerbread men. It’s magical.”

Due to the program’s success so far, Baker hopes to expand it for 2019. “Next year, we’ll allow donations of drunk aunts, uncles who no longer drink but are now really into tea, and weird goth boyfriends your daughter brings home with no warning”.