After missing 3 field goals in Sunday’s tie versus the Green Bay Packers, 2 of them in overtime, Minnesota Vikings Kicker Daniel Carlson has been inducted into the team’s Hall of Kickers Who Can Go Fuck Themselves, it was announced Monday. “The kid is just a rookie,” Head Coach Mike Zimmer said, “and he’s already joined the ranks of Blair (Walsh) and Gary Anderson, legends in fuckup-ery. I think I speak for the Vikings organization, players, and fans when I say those assholes can eat shit and die.”
As part of the induction, Carlson will have a bronze casting made of his useless piece-of-shit leg, which will be placed in the “Are You Fucking Kidding Me???” Wing of the sprawling, 50,000 square foot Hall. He will also receive a special phone call directly from General Manager Rick Spielman, cutting him from the team.
“It’s a huge honor,” Carlson said, “to be a part of the laundry list of excuses Vikings fans give when drunkenly ranting about why the team hasn’t won a Super Bowl. This way, no one will ever forget the name ‘Carlson.’”