Brian Smallbeck
Vikings Cite Pandemic in Explaining Last 59 Years of Incompetence
Addressing reporters following the 40-23 loss to the Atlanta Falcons, Vikings General Manager Rick Spielman…
Jason Lewis Tests Negative for COVID-19, Basic Human Decency
Officials from the Jason Lewis for Senate campaign announced Thursday that the candidate has tested…
‘Sure Could Use Some Of That Global Warming Today!’ Jokes Blaine Man Who Will Die Defending Moisture Farm From Desert Raiders In 2047
During a recent cold snap that gripped much of the Upper Midwest, Blaine resident Matt Johansen made light of a dire climatic situation that would eventually lead to his death in 2047 at the hands of outlaw cannibals following the environmental and societal collapse of much of the planet.
“Sure could use some of that global warming today!” the 37-year-old account manager quipped, unaware that the frozen ground he was standing on would one day be an arid wasteland under the purview of a…
Whittier Man Cornering You at Party Eager to Tell His Replacements Story
At a sparsely-attended house party on the 2700 block of Pleasant Avenue Thursday night, local resident Steve Nowak is standing between you and the rest of the room, subtly working up to his Replacements story. “Yeah, Minneapolis is full of musical history,” says Nowak, unprompted. “Especially in the 80’s. You familiar with…
Twins Eager To Become Confidence-Building Footnote In Better Teams’ Championship Run
Original photo by Mac H (media601) DETROIT, MI — Following a division-clinching victory against the…
Twins Declare ‘Empty Seat Night’ Rousing Success
Photo by Tim Wilson
Out of Options, Twins Try Playing Good
At a postgame press conference yesterday, Twins Manager Rocco Baldelli revealed the strategy that had…
Milwaukee Man Forced To Give A Shit About Basketball
The recent accession of the Milwaukee Bucks to the NBA Eastern Conference Finals has forced…