Milwaukee Man Forced To Give A Shit About Basketball


The recent accession of the Milwaukee Bucks to the NBA Eastern Conference Finals has forced Lindsay Park resident Dan Oakley to be aware of professional basketball, sources say.

“This team is a few wins from winning the whole thing, so now I guess I have to know things about them, and the sport in general?” Oakley said.

“We’re just a few months from Packers training camp. The timing couldn’t be more inconvenient,” lamented the 41-year-old, as he read the stats of star forward Giannis Antetokounmpo with the same cognizance he would reading the Voynich Manuscript. “This guy should play tight end for the Pack,” he later said.

“I’m really proud of my Bucks though. If I ever had the opportunity to meet any of those guys, I’d shake their hand, look them straight in the eye, and say ‘What does Bonus mean?’” When asked where he planned on watching the upcoming games, Oakley asked, “Oh Jesus, I have to watch them too?”