ST. PAUL — Nextdoor, an app designed to be a location-specific message board, has recently been overrun by people posting the absolute dumbest opinions they could have possibly thought of in the neighborhoods of Saint Paul.
“so many catalytic convertor thefts in the neighborhood!! if only THEY paid the police some respect, maybe we wouldn’t have this problem.” wrote one of the smoothest brained users of the site, despite the fact that only 13% of motor vehicle theft is solved nationwide.
Sociologists cite the increased time spent at home over the past year and the semi-anonymous nature of Nextdoor as major factors in the uptick of blockhead posts that St. Paul is experiencing.
“If you’re going to steal a car, may I just suggest… get a job instead!! 🙂 No need to be lazy!!!” wrote another completely moronic St. Paul resident, ignoring the unprecedented economic downturn caused by a global pandemic.
Another user’s opinion was of a more personal nature.
“I think we should stop allowing dogs on my street until the children learn to pick up after them. Very rude! Don’t like dogs or kids.” wrote a complete dumbass based out of Summit-Hill, a neighborhood known for its many fine elementary schools and green spaces for dogs to run.
Experts predict that as the country begins to open up and people can enjoy in-person socialization, we can expect these phenomenally asinine Nextdoor posts to taper down. Until then, they recommend deep breathing, outdoor activities, and if all else fails, chucking your phone into a gutter.