Senate Bill to Give Free Insulin to All Who Can Answer These Riddles Three

At long last, Senate lawmakers have unveiled a bill with bipartisan support to tackle the exorbitant price of insulin in the state. Under the proposed bill, some 300,000 Minnesotans living with diabetes would be eligible to receive a free 120-day refillable supply of insulin on the condition that they successfully answer three cryptic riddles, each more challenging than the last. 

“We are proud to finally be on the verge of introducing a bill to give the life-saving drug to all that desperately need it,” reads a press statement released by lawmakers, “provided they can tell us what is as fragile as a robin’s egg yet heavy as a dozen oxen, traverses the choppiest seas yet cannot swim, and sings but has no tongue.” The statement then goes on to clarify that the first riddle’s answer is a clue to the location of the second riddle, which is inscribed in Old English on a parchment scroll hidden somewhere within the continental United States.

Participants would have three chances to answer each riddle in person to the proposed “Director of Riddles” in his office deep in the caves underneath St Paul from the hours of 1:00 to 3:00 AM Monday through Tuesday and cannot receive help from friends, family, or (should they exist) genies. 

Lawmakers say they hope to introduce and pass the life-saving bill as soon as possible and have urged Governor Walz to call a special legislative session quickly while they’re feeling so generous.