MINNEAPOLIS — Recent University of Minnesota graduate Martin Schell has come to the realization only after several years and $150,000 in tuition costs, capitalism actually sucks.
After getting his masters and PhD in economics, Schell assumed he would be a shoo-in for a six figure salaried job.
“But what the hell am I supposed to do with this doctorate when the country’s GDP shrank 32% and the only jobs I can find for my qualifications pay $15 an hour+ experience/snacks? I just got a letter from Sallie Mae and I’m pretty sure they’re sending guys to break my legs next week if I don’t start paying up.”
Schell has admitted he regrets taking out $150,000 in student loans after the current pandemic offered new economic insight.
“I can’t believe that not once in that last several years of higher learning did anyone inform me that our current economic system ran on the blood, sweat, and tears of the working poor AND would collapse should a nationwide disaster prevent anyone from going to the store for a few weeks,“ Schell added.
At press time, Schell was finally able to secure a job in the finance sector after posting a GoFundMe campaign to pay down his student debt.