Ben Friedman
This Startup Is Changing the Way Investors Give Them Money to Just Fuck Around in a Cool Office
MINNEAPOLIS — Local startup Naada is getting the attention of Wall Street after a $2.7…
North Loop Abandoned After Residents’ Parents Unable to Pay Rent
MINNEAPOLIS — The North Loop has officially been deemed a ghost town after nearly all…
Student Spends $150k and Several Years Studying Economics to Discover Capitalism Sucks
MINNEAPOLIS — Recent University of Minnesota graduate Martin Schell has come to the realization only…
Leinenkugel’s Replaces Native American Mascot With Drunk White Woman From Madison
The Jacob Leinenkugel Brewing Company announced that in a move to be more racially sensitive they will be replacing its iconic Native American logo with an inebriated white woman from Madison.
All Twin Cities Shows, Musicians Cancelled
Original Photos by Andy Witchger, Derrick Austinson Photog, and Brett Quiggle
City Charter Reveals Police Union Will Disband if Bob Kroll Tricked into Saying His Name Backwards
MINNEAPOLIS — City Council officials revealed their watershed proposal to disband the Minneapolis Police Department…
MN GOP Commemorates Juneteenth by Tweeting ‘All Dates Matter’
The Minnesota Republican party issued a tweet insisting that June 19th, also known as Juneteenth, which celebrates the freeing of enslaved people in the United States, should be a day in which Minnesotans remember that “all dates matter”.
Landlord Unsure How He’s Going to Pay for His Cabins
“I was two days into unemployment when I got a letter saying how the landlord ‘understands’ what we’re going through but we need to pony up the rent so he can maintain the upkeep of the building? Bullshit. We haven’t had heat all winter and I’ve seen so many roaches I think they’re starting to unionize.”
Nature Returns: TC Bear Seen Roaming Empty Minneapolis Streets
Original Photos by Mississippi WMO & RUBENSTEIN
Nostalgic God to Unleash the Other Nine Plagues
Appearing as a burning bush before bewildered onlookers near Cedar Lake Road, God has announced that after seeing the world react to COVID-19, God will be releasing the other nine plagues to coincide with the 3,460th anniversary of Passover.
“Gabriel and Michael have been razzing me about how I’m ‘going back to the well’, but when you want to send a message, you kill a guy’s cow and give him boils. I mean I’ll never forget the look on Pharaoh’s face when he spent three days slapping away locusts every ten seconds. I damn near pissed myself,“ said the omnipotent creator of the universe.