Ben Friedman

Landlord Unsure How He’s Going to Pay for His Cabins

“I was two days into unemployment when I got a letter saying how the landlord ‘understands’ what we’re going through but we need to pony up the rent so he can maintain the upkeep of the building? Bullshit. We haven’t had heat all winter and I’ve seen so many roaches I think they’re starting to unionize.”

Nostalgic God to Unleash the Other Nine Plagues

Appearing as a burning bush before bewildered onlookers near Cedar Lake Road, God has announced that after seeing the world react to COVID-19, God will be releasing the other nine plagues to coincide with the 3,460th anniversary of Passover.

“Gabriel and Michael have been razzing me about how I’m ‘going back to the well’, but when you want to send a message, you kill a guy’s cow and give him boils. I mean I’ll never forget the look on Pharaoh’s face when he spent three days slapping away locusts every ten seconds. I damn near pissed myself,“ said the omnipotent creator of the universe.