This Startup Is Changing the Way Investors Give Them Money to Just Fuck Around in a Cool Office

MINNEAPOLIS — Local startup Naada is getting the attention of Wall Street after a $2.7 million dollar investment for its employees to just dick around in a cool office in the IDS building.

“Naada is the most ingenious startup I’ve seen in all my years of venture capitalism. Frankly I have no idea what they do, all I know is that this 22-year-old kid came into my office with a pitch that used the words “market capture” like ten times. No way I’m going to pass up an opportunity like this,” said primary investor Charles Herbert. “Much of the pitch was just the floor plan of the office he had in mind, and while I think three ping pong tables is a bit excessive for my tastes, I’m sure it’s integral to making money for the business, whatever that is.”

University of Chicago dropout and founder Carl Forberg has defended his company from critics who say that he is merely taking advantage of investors in order to fund a lavish lifestyle.

“Naada is disrupting the industry, and that industry will be decided once we figure out what the company does. We can’t be “defined” or “regulated” by the old standards, ok? In order to make money in this day and age, you have to put in the work and convince a bunch of boomer investors who don’t know how to attach documents to emails that you need an indoor paintball range because it’s integral to productivity,” said Forberg.

“I dropped out of school because my teachers were trying to tell me that I needed a business plan and mission statement and all that crap. What my six high school buddies and I need is a few million dollars for an office big enough to drive go-karts through. The ideas will start flowing after that, I’m sure.”

Forberg’s oldest friend and Social Media Coordinator/COO/Snack Procurement Specialist Abby Rose stated her excitement of being involved in building a company’s legacy.

“I was bouncing between jobs at coffee shops and restaurants when Carl called me and asked if I wanted to get involved in his new business venture. I was wary at first obviously, until he showed me a picture of the check for $700,000 with ‘Lazy River’ in the memo line. My questions stopped right there,” said Rose while relaxing on a red velvet chaise lounge overlooking all of Northeast Minneapolis.