MINNEAPOLIS — City Council officials revealed their watershed proposal to disband the Minneapolis Police Department this week, which centers on tricking Bob Kroll into saying his name backwards, effectively sending him back to the dark realm from whence he came.
“The biggest roadblock to solving our city’s police problem is MPU President Bob Kroll, who has not only taken a hardline stance against any police accountability but isn’t even from this plane of existence,” said Councilmember Andrea Jenkins. “While changing the city’s charter to abolish the MPD will ultimately come down to the voters this November, we did discover a clause at the bottom of the charter that says if Kroll can be tricked into saying his name backwards by someone who is pure of heart, he will disappear into the ether and the union will cease to exist.”
Mayor Jacob Frey, who has been fiercely criticized for his reluctance to disband the MPD, stated he is open to exploring banishing Kroll to the shadow realm.
“It’s clear that as long as he walks among us, the police union will protect violent officers from repercussions,” said Frey. “The City Council and I have agreed to put together a task force to create a viable and expedited method of dissolving the police union, and literally dissolving Bob Kroll, through means of deception or coercion.”
As of press time, Kroll was witnessed dissolving into thin air after council member Phillipe Cunningham, posing as a street vendor, convinced him to purchase a quote “a new take on the bacon donut” called the “llork bob”.