MINNEAPOLIS — There’s a new community developing in Minneapolis that has yet to displace anyone but is still taking up a lot of valuable real estate on Erin Jeffries’ bedside table.
The 27 mugs, cups and glasses that accumulated on Jeffries’ bedside table the past three months have recently elected their first mayor, Tricia SealMug in a landslide victory of 25 votes.
“I feel so honored that I get to serve my fellow drinkware community as we embark on building a foundation for our city that has taken months of patience, hard work and the depression-fueled inattention of Erin Jeffries” SealMug said.
What is now a robust collective of drinkware of various sizes, shapes and patterns, started off with just a two glasses, the Pokal twins, Sigrid and Solvig, who were first brought to Jeffries’ bedside table back in January, carrying a smoothie and ice water respectively, back when Jeffries attempted to do a complete P90X workout in her small bedroom.
“It was such a journey, for two small Swedish glasses to leave our homeland and be summoned to work as slowly depleting containers for a short-lived attempt at “self-care.” Sigrid Pokal tells us. “But to be left out in the light after our work was done was terrifying but gave us hope for a different future.”
The Pokal twins were soon joined by Luna CeramicMug, Rodney MasonJar and Nelly DisneyWorldCommemorativeCup1999. While the Pokal twins were initially distant from the newcomers, they were eventually forced to live close to the other new drinkware during the “Great Glass Shove of February” when Jeffries pushed the existing glassware to the right of the bedside table to make room for five coffee mugs, which included the visionary Tricia SealMug.
“Tricia was really the one who wanted us to be more than just a loose collective of mugs, glasses and cups—she was the one who suggested collective stacking and wanted us to really build something that would last on this nightstand.” Marcus Carafe says.
After the drinkware began stealthily stacking during the brief moments while she wasn’t in her room, SealMug proposed additional measures to ensure that their growing community could stay intact: vertical development towards the front of the nightstand to make the stack appear as tall and unmanageable as possible to Jeffries, cross-cup bio-mold interference and an intramural volleyball league.
One current resident of Jeffries’ bedside table, Elaine BlenderBottle, doesn’t share in the cup community’s optimism.
“Tricia has created a cult of MugSelf and I won’t be participating. We can only move ourselves around so many times before it all comes crashing down, which it has. You didn’t hear it from me but one of her attempts at “vertical development” ended in Maria and Lorenzo MartinelliJar on the floor. They’ve begged to be invited back up but SealMug hasn’t offered them anything but “thoughts and prayers.” All I’m saying is that if you don’t hear from me again, it wasn’t an accident.”
Despite these claims, Mayor SealMug seems nothing but optimistic about her community’s future.
“We are 27 cups strong and based on the state of the room around our table, we’re not going anywhere anytime soon. Besides, I just so happened to see a Bed, Bath and Beyond receipt on the Northwest corner of the room so it looks like we won’t stop manifesting our destiny anytime soon.”