This Motherfucker Just Called Hamburger Helper “Hotdish”

Minneapolis, MN — Evan Rhodes horrified guests by waltzing into the Owens’ family potluck this weekend with a baking pan of Cheesy Ranch Burger flavored Hamburger Helper and labeling it “hotdish”. Those in attendance could be seen rolling their eyes at the folded index card tag placed in front of the fraudulent glob of lies, and were outspoken in their disapproval.

“I’d be fine if they’d brought Hamburger Helper and just left it at that. He obviously doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing.” Charlotte Owens and her family have organized the annual family potluck for the past fifteen years, but none could recall such a classless move in the event’s history.

Extended family members were furious at the boneheaded move, and some considered resorting to fisticuffs with the one responsible. “He should fucking apologize!” yelled Bobby Cole from within the three car garage. “I worked my ass off cooking that genuine tater tot hotdish for this get together.” Cole gestured to the authentic, hotdish platter on the communal table, “Think about the integrity of who you’re serving god dammit!” His Coors Light spilling as he shook his fists in rage, “I wouldn’t feed that fake trash to my dog. And he eats actual garbage.”

The justified frenzy reached a tipping point when hero/distant uncle, Howard Cole, threw a Nerf football directly into the cold and untouched dish to the cheers of nearly everyone in attendance. Evan Rhodes has been warned not to show his face around any Owens’ family gatherings ever again or risk a severe ass-whooping.