What The Nordly is Doing to Combat COVID-19

The COVID-19 pandemic requires every individual and organization to do it’s part to slow the spread of this deadly virus. Here is what The Nordly is doing to keep its staff, writers, and community safe. 

1. Wiping down all articles with Clorox wipes every 30 minutes.

2. Quarantining our interns in the break room for at least 2 weeks.

3. Giving all writers The Mask, starring Jim Carey, on BluRay.

4. Instructing all contributors to write articles with their feet so that they don’t contaminate their hands.

5. Requiring all of our writers to live in our small 400 sq ft office to avoid contaminating their homes.

6. Curtailing the practice of beginning meetings with an intense make out session where everyone is required to use as much tongue as possible (also known as “French meeting”).

7. Combating rising anti-Chinese xenophobia by claiming the virus was started in Wisconsin and referring to it only as the “Sconnie Scourge”.

8. Ensuring that our articles aren’t laugh-out-loud funny, so laughter doesn’t spread the virus.

9. Hourly sacrifices of animals and interns to Gula, the Babylonian goddess of health and healing, and patron goddess of The Nordly.

10. Firing all of our 3,269 full time employees effective immediately, (sorry you had to find out this way, everyone).