MINNEAPOLIS — While some people have channeled their more ample free time into fitness during the pandemic (okay, try-hards 😉 ), a certain Minneapolis magical creature has given stonecold abs a whole new meaning!
Grumgort, who’s been serving as Minneapolis’ Stone Arch Bridge troll for 87 years (thank you goblin king!) found himself with a TON of time on his hands at the beginning of last year when foot traffic on his bridge basically was pretty much zero due to the Big C (coronavirus).
“With no one crossing the bridge, there was no work for Grumgort—if there’s no one I can stump with riddles, Grumgort’s contribution to society is only diddle” the bridge troll spilled. “So, Grumgort decided to channel Grumgort’s years of tormenting bridge crossers to tormenting my core with circuit training”
So basically all of Grumgort’s swole power has come from him doing a little DIY to looking fly–he’s using the Stone Arch Bridge as his own personal gym! Just proving that you can get shredded in the same place where your bed is!
“My guy has been making beautiful gains,” Adam Kristofferson, a Minneapolis-based personal trainer, who accidentally ran into Grumgort last summer and agreed to train him in exchange for his life and riddle-free passage over the bridge, explained. Okay, anti-capitalist kings! Barter system FTW!
“His pecs and core are super defined, lats and glutes are rock solid and his arms are truly works of art. I mean my guy is absolutely jacked, just a beautiful, slimy map of bulging veins.” Umm, BROMANCE ALERT!
Even with the new Delta variant running around town, Grumgort isn’t letting that slow down his pursuit of fitness.
“Grumgort might do away with riddles altogether. Grumgort just wants to focus on gaining muscle and eating right. Grumgort may stop eating people too—a new year, a new Grumgort.”