Woman Just Gonna Go To The Chaska Kohl’s! That’s It! She’s Just Gonna Go, And It’s Gonna Be Fine!

Original photo by Mike Mozart

CHASKA — Rita Sanderson of Victoria is just gonna go to the Chaska Kohl’s, and it’s going to be fine! She’s just gonna do it. She’s had enough, everything will be okay, and that’s that! 

After a full year of working from home and limiting trips outside to only essentials, she’s simply at her limit. She’s done! She’s had it! She’s tired of shopping online! It’s not fun anymore! Nobody else seems to be taking social distancing seriously, so why should she have to?! Is anyone perfect? No? That’s what she thought, so she’s just gonna go and use her Kohl’s cash if that’s okay with the masses! 

Sources close to the woman say that the decision was made after yet another day staring into her laptop for work, recreation, and socialization for upwards of 14 hours. While no one can endorse her behavior, the sources we spoke to said they understood her mindset and would forgive her for this gross transgression once she stopped yelling.  

She’s getting in the car! She’s driving down Pioneer Trail, she’s turning into the parking lot, she’s gonna get a few things, and get out of there in 45 minutes or less. You know what? She doesn’t even care if you’re mad. Is that okay? Can she live? She’ll even wear two masks. Fuck it, three masks. Whatever it takes to just go look at some polyester blouses. She hopes everyone is okay with it because she’s doing it and you can’t stop her!