Summer is here, which means becoming a drunk problem on patios. Minneapolis has some fabulous watering holes where you have already lost some friendships, so why not expand your horizons and try out these 3 new patios where you are guaranteed to lose some more!
The Market at Malcolm Yards
This new hip food hall is an outdoor space where you can become a sloppy burden to your buddies at 2pm on a Saturday. How? Self-serve beer taps! Perfect for drinking 5 IPAs in 2 hours, attempting to piss on a tree next to a cool Northeast family with two young kids, refusing to go home, and eventually falling asleep at the table.
This whiskey bar has hundreds of beer taps, so you have MANY opportunities to drink more than you—or anyone—should! Their dog-friendly patio makes for the ideal situation for drunkenly sitting on the ground with a stranger’s dog and making them extremely uncomfortable. You can even take it a step further and pass out while sitting on the ground, ultimately becoming dead weight for your friends to carry. Who knows, maybe they will even need 2 or 3 people to carry you. It’s a fun time for the whole group!
Travail Kitchen and Amusement
This bar and restaurant in Robbinsdale has a rooftop patio that is the perfect setting for your drunk ass to become a huge hassle for your pals! Travail offers several options for cocktail flights. Try the tropical flight (which includes a tequila, rum, and whiskey drink) so you can approach a table of unwilling strangers and bluntly ask if anyone wants to makeout with you. Your friends will have to swoop in to apologize profusely over and over, explaining that you are never like this, even though you are always like this. And of course, since it is rooftop, it is a prime opportunity to drunk-fall down some stairs. Why not force your friends to end their night with a trip to the hospital.
So, what are you waiting for: get a group of your bff’s together to try out one of these new patios. And, if your friends all seem to be avoiding your texts and calls, just weasel your way into another group of friends that barely knows you or your extremely burdensome drunken behavior!