‘If The Police Don’t Prevent Crime, What Do They Do?’ Says Dad Who is About to Have a Mind-Blowing Revelation

MINNEAPOLIS — With an uptick in crime in several Minneapolis neighborhoods, many Minnesotans are debating what will help curb the issue.  Mark Clifton, a 46-year-old father in Saint Louis Park who asked his daughter “well if the police don’t prevent crime, what do they do?” is moments away from a mind-altering realization about police incompetence.

Clifton, whose impending mental metamorphosis will forever change his world, had always believed that the police were able to predict and prevent instances of crime. However, his simple question will trigger the realization that cops mostly just loiter in Black communities and enact state-sanctioned violence on regular citizens living their everyday lives. 

Clifton, moments away from realizing that police don’t prevent crime, but the public services that are intended to improve the well-being of the community might, will require a trip to his local CVS for Tylenol and baby wipes to combat the physical reactions he will have as a result of this discovery. 

At press time, Clifton’s eyebrows are starting to raise as the massive discovery washes over him, one that will only be topped by when he finds out that Minnesota’s minimum wage absolutely cannot feed a family of four.