PRINCETON — With family gatherings around the corner, avid fisherman, beloved uncle, and body positivity icon Herb Dennison, 51, is expected to brag to family and friends about the time he caught a thoroughly average sized largemouth bass.
Dennison will reportedly find a way to bring up his signature fish story in nearly every conversation he has, sometimes utilizing incredibly dubious segues. Each telling includes the same distinctive details: that the fish gave an adequate but unremarkable fight, it had no interesting or distinguishing features whatsoever, and that it was still perfect just the way it was.
“Every time he tells the story, I swear the fish gets more and more average,” said one of Dennison’s nephews, Lucas Dennison, 25, “last year he called it a modest 10 pounder, and on Thanksgiving I’m pretty sure I heard him claim it was the most average bass ever caught.”
“I love that Uncle Herb celebrates fish often left out of the conversation in our size-obsessed society,” said one of Dennison’s nieces, Jessie Whitmer, 16, “I just wish I didn’t have to act interested when he brags about how valid it was for the 500th time.”
At press time, Dennison was laying at the end of a dock and whispering body positive affirmations into Silver Lake.