Breaking: Old Friend From Church Is Posting About Cancel Culture Again

ROGERS — For what seems like the fiftieth time today, your old friend from church is once again posting on Facebook about how the biggest problem that faces the world today is ‘cancel culture’.

The friend in question, a 32-year-old devout Evangelical Rogers resident whom you used to know from your hometown church but lost touch with after high school, posted his latest diatribe against the evils of cancel culture approximately 30 minutes ago.

“Friends, I’ve been noticing the state of this fallen world lately and I believe us followers of Christ can no longer stay silent,” said the post, “we are one step away from putting children in jail for owning a Dr. Seuss book”.

Though the post went on to compare the plight of fired Star Wars actress Gina Carano to the martyrdom of early Christians in the gladiatorial arenas of ancient Rome, any mention of police violence, racism, homelessness nor any other actual problems was notably absent.

Details on exactly why you still follow this hopelessly ill-informed friend despite not seeing him in person since Todd’s baptism in Big Lake are sketchy. Some sources are speculating that it may be a selfish need to feel superior by comparison.

At press time, your old friend from church had just shared a Steven Crowder video with three clapping emojis and the word “this”.