Bulldozers Move in on Linden Hills Following 2040 Passage

Following the passage of the Minneapolis 2040 plan, bulldozers are closing in on Linden Hills. The plan contains a zoning provision permitting triplexes in every Minneapolis neighborhood, including Linden Hills, one of the city’s wealthiest neighborhoods.

Despite pushback from neighborhood residents, the City Council passed the plan, adding an order to build “extra triplexes in Linden Hills”. To clear the way for these monstrosities, Mayor Jacob Frey ordered eight bulldozers to completely raze Linden Hills.

As the bulldozers moved in, residents could be seen running to and from their cars carrying boxes of cigars, velvet robes, Persian rugs, and extremely large vases.

“It’s not fair,” said one woman, chaining herself to a statue outside her multi-million dollar home. “Access to housing is a basic human right!”

In a press conference announcing the neighborhood’s demolishment, Frey commended the City Council on their 12-1 vote in favor of the plan. “Today marks the first step in our plan to outlaw single-family homes,” he said.

“Sure, we wanted to increase density and fight the housing shortage,” Frey added, “but mostly we just wanted to fucking destroy Linden Hills. That was the real purpose of the 2040 plan.”