Coquettish Little Gourd Pulls Focus on Minnetonka Woman’s Dining Room Table

MINNETONKA — There’s a new gourd in town and she’s just moved onto Donna Wagley’s dining room table and let’s just say that she’s squashing the centerpiece competition.

“It’s not every year that we get someone of this caliber here, I mean, Vinette is really elevating this whole situation. I can tell that Donna is really proud,” Dumpkin the miniature pumpkin confirmed.

“Look, I don’t just say this about everyone,” Rustica, the bunch of dried flowers shared conspiratorially, “but this Vinette absolutely has it all; bumps in all the right places, one little orange stripe that goes allll the way down to her base, body like a garden snake after a full meal and a little curl of stem on top that you could just get lost in.”

The new gourd, scouted by Wagley as she was about to checkout at Target, has taken prime place in the Minnetonka woman’s self-described “elevated autumn” themed dining room table.

However, not everyone is reveling in the gourd’s meteoric rise to calabash queendom.

“I mean, I think she’s sweet, like Vinette is so nice but I just don’t think she’s up to the task of being the centerpiece gourd,” said the bat-shaped candelabra, Arabesque, who’s taken center place in Donna’s fall-themed table decorations the past 7 years, told. “It’s just…so you’re plucked from the obscurity of a big box retailer bargain bin and then all of the sudden you have pride of place on Donna’s table? Something isn’t adding up here” 

Despite all this attention, Vinette says she is still the same gourd she was when she was growing up on the farm.

“I’m just like other gourds, really!” She demurred “Just because I have the heaviest, juiciest seeds on the table and my skin is so waxy and smooth it almost feels wet, at the end of the day I just want to veg out, like enough Instagram shoots!”

At presstime, it was confirmed that Donna Wagley removed the candelabra from the middle of her table after it had seemingly tipped over too many times onto the gourd in the center.