Cornhole Tournament To Determine Who Gets First Dibs on COVID Vaccine

Epidemiologists announced this past weekend that they have made a decision regarding who will get the first doses of the highly sought after COVID vaccination. After discussing with prime experts in Minnesota culture,  officials have opted not to prioritize workers and give the first vaccines to the winners of a single-elimination tournament of cornhole.

Gov. Walz and Lt. Gov. Flanagan both showed support for the decision. Flanagan noted the equitable decision, stating “if we want the best and brightest of Minnesota residents to be first in line, they have to show us in the most Minnesotan way possible: tossing bags of sand into holes.” 

The tournament will have 12 vaccines available for its highest placing contestants. Walz noted that he and other Minnesota politicians and higher-ups will also be competing in the tournament, with a Canadian representative refereeing the event. “Well, we can’t trust Wisconsin or North Dakota – they may try to send in spies to take what is rightfully ours,” Walz responded when questioned about this addition.

The Eagen Policy will be in effect when counting points – 5 points for a clear shot, 4 points if it makes it in but touches the run, and an extra bonus point for “style” such as naming a Minnesota “fun fact” during a toss.

Early reactions are positive. Gerald Fotis, General Mills employee and lifelong Shakopee resident, shared how thrilled he was that vaccine access will be determined based on something he could actually do. Kayleen Anderson, Best Buy associate who went to high school with Fotis, expressed that “Minnesota is known for making things their own. One day, I hope to see this event as a question on Jeopardy so I can yell at the TV, “Oh I know this one!””

Registration is available to all Minnesota residents over 18 and those who own tractor licenses of any age.