Early Minnesota Heat and Humidity Results in Record-Breaking Levels of Swass, Swoob and Swarmpit

The Minnesota Pollution Control Agency has released metrics that indicate that due to high heat and humidity in April and May, there are markedly increased levels of sweaty ass, sweaty boob, and sweaty armpit, formally called swass, swoob, and swarmpit by the state agency. 

The agency’s body odor index (BOI), which is factored into Minnesota’s Air Quality Index, measures swass, swoob and swarmpit. The agency has reported that the BOI in 2021 so far have already surpassed the aggregate levels of swass, swoob and swarmpit from the previous year. 

“Typically, Minnesota has great air,” said Rita Barkley, an MPCA air quality supervisor. “However, when you step outside and faintly smell summer sausage, but there is no summer sausage nearby, it’s a clear sign that the body odor index may be tipping the scale and heavily impacting the air quality index.”

The agency has noted that these record high body odor index metrics ultimately come back to climate change and rising temperatures in every corner of the world. Nonetheless, the agency offered a few suggestions to combat the perpetual wetness and keep any scents at bay. 

“It’s simple,” said Barkley. “Wash your ass, wipe your boobs, and question the efficacy of your natural deodorant.”