Egads! Teens Are Smoking on the Train and You’re Not Going to Stop Them

Hey, tough guy, do you smell that? What’s that smell? Where’s that smokey, hot, in-your-face smog coming from? Oh, it’s coming from those guys two seats away from you. They’ve lit up cigarettes and they’re…


Hey, tough guy, do you smell that? What’s that smell? Where’s that smokey, hot, in-your-face smog coming from? Oh, it’s coming from those guys two seats away from you. They’ve lit up cigarettes and they’re smoking! On the train! Smoking on the train! Like criminals. You’ve got to do something!

But before you can stamp out crime like a well-read Ruff McGruff, you gotta do a few things. 

First make a plan. You can’t go in there guns ablazing. Best to simply walk up and ask them to put out the cigarette. Even though it’s essentially illegal to smoke anywhere outside of a tiny alley besides a dumpster, maybe they didn’t know smoking was against the rules. Perhaps they failed to consider that filling the car full of cancer dust is a tad inconsiderate. And that making others smell like smoke is worse than making them smell like human crap- because human crap implies you’ve eaten whereas smoke just says you’re not going to live past 70.

Now what if they say no? Here’s where you need to take inventory. They’ve got a willingness to break the rules, probably a lighter, and cigarettes. All you have is a pen, a bachelor’s degree in English, and that crystal your friend gave you to ward off bad vibes. Sure, you could take that pen out and write them a list of good books to “puff and pass” instead of that cigarette, but would that really work? No, instead you’ve got to lay down the law. This is the Blue Line after all, there must be order!

Walk up to the biggest Tobacco Wacco and proclaim, “Excuse me, I’m riding this train to Government Plaza, not Cancer town!” Grab that thin cigar, throw it to the ground, and brace yourself for what is sure to be a wave of applause from the other passengers. 

The smog fiends will see your act as heroic and most likely thank you “for doing what our mothers couldn’t: set a fine example.”

Wait what? You’re not going to say anything to those strangers? What do you mean “they seem sketchy?” They’ve besmirched the dignity of public transportation! You must do something! You coward!