BIG LAKE — Earlier today, a community of coniferous trees in Sand Dunes State Park were heartbroken to learn that a kidnapped sapling has been found dead and displayed in an Eden Prairie home.
This cruel practice is not new to the community as they have suspected a serial killer has been plaguing their community every late November for decades. However local authorities have declined to investigate the matter, despite numerous witness accounts of humans in buffalo plaid cheerfully entering the forest, axe in tow.
Sequoia Seeden, the latest victim’s mother, leads the charge to get the police to investigate the crime and get justice for her family and community.
“This time, they have gone too far in choosing young Willow,” shared Seeden. “Willow was very in touch with his emotions, often found weeping poetically, and we all knew he was destined for great things. ”
The Sand Dunes State Park Rangers issued a statement saying they have found evidence of foul play and are unable to investigate matters that occur over their holiday break.
The Seeden family’s legal counsel made a strong statement that enough is enough. “This in-tree-mane ritual must stop. We must question the current idea that humans have – that somehow there is joy in destroying a family to hang tacky ornamentation on a sad, dried out husk, only to dispose of the carcass a month later, or worse, burn it.”
“This is not a time to be holly nor jolly – this is the worst time of the year.”