Hi cutie! We know that after months of quarantine your bod is probably looking to greener pastures and is ready to do a little spring cleaning of its own, if you catch our drift! ;P That’s why we’ve put together a gorgeous list of four spring salad ideas that will rip your ass open and give you the cutest little colon!
Black Bean and Kale Craver
This one goes out to all of our gut-health gaias out there (you can’t hide from us, we know where you are)! This one is a scrummy little mix of the rawest greens and the most unfiltered beans out there all smothered in a lemony yogurt vinaigrette that will make you say “ah…where is the bathroom in this place again?” Before you know it you’ll be taking your lower intestine to task, you little go, go, go girlie!
Chickpea and Date Dream
It’s so important for us to take time out of our days and just sit. You’re a queen and you deserve a throne: especially a porcelain one! And that’s what this chickpea and date with a lemon tahini dreamy dressing will have you doing—sitting on the john’s face (HA)! After you’re through with this bowl of fiber fierceness you’ll have to change your official title from girl boss to scat boss.
Brussels Sprouts Serendipity
Let’s just cut to the chase here, divas; brussels sprouts over chasing clout any DAY! Especially when they’re the absolute best vegetable for giving you a one-way ticket to toilet town, right chicas?! This gorgeous gut groover made from a pan coffee-soaked oven charred brussels sprouts atop a bed of prunes and artichoke leaves will leave you begging for more…toilet paper! But this big pile of good-for-you goodness will leave your colon clean as a whistle—no need to toot your own ass…but maybe you should!
The Raw Deal
Okay sister, we’ve saved the best for last for your digestive tract, colon queen. This one is total intestinal clearance in one bowl; raw rhubarb, celery, broccoli, sweet potatoes and chia seeds fermented in yogurt and kombucha until the cultures are so active, they’ll run through your intestines so fast, your ass may have trouble getting to the finish line on time! While this one-bowl bowel patrol has yet to break the internet, it has already broken many toilet bowls and yours could be next, shit-ster! Also, making sure you have a ride to the ER handy might be important too…probably! We aren’t liable for salad-related colon explosions, mama : )
There you go, you no-longer constipated countess! Four salads that will take your colon from sending them running to absolutely stunning!