ROSEVILLE — The other night, I decided that I would make the TikTok feta pasta. You know the one, where you just put a big hunk of feta and a bunch of cherry tomatoes in a pan and bake it and mix it all together? It was supposed to be a quiet night in, as so many have been for the past almost year or so, with my boyfriend and a little bit of dinner. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.
As I started to make the pasta, my boyfriend started to act kind of weird. He kept asking, “who is that in there?” referring to the feta and tomatoes roasting in the oven. At first I kind of laughed it off. He likes to make jokes every once in a while but he wouldn’t stop looking. I’d be trying to talk to him but it was like he couldn’t even hear me: he was just looking from the oven to the pasta cooking on the stove, transfixed.
When we sat down to dinner, he kept asking his bowl of pasta about its favorite bands and movies, its hopes and dreams. I would try and break him out of it by telling him about my day and he sort of half-listened before asking the pasta just how ripe and juicy its tomatoes got on the vine or how thick and creamy the goat’s milk in its goat cheese was and worst—how hot and wet the pasta water in the sauce had to be.
After we finished dinner, he ran to the kitchen, took the pot from the stove and ran out the door and I haven’t seen him since. It’s been three days and he won’t answer my calls or texts but he posted a weird cryptic status on Facebook that just says, “Cooking up something new…can’t wait for you all to meet my boo.”
I’m pretty devastated and I don’t know what to do. I heard that this pasta was worth the hype but is it so good that it would make a man leave his girlfriend of four years? If that’s the case, I promise I will never cook again.