In Wake of Minneapolis Cancelling Fireworks Display, Travis From Otsego Announces He Still Plans to Drunkenly Shoot Bottle Rockets at His Friends

With Minneapolis, St. Paul, and Stillwater all canceling their 4th of July firework displays this year, Travis from Otsego has announced his annual tradition of drunkenly shooting his closest friends with bottle rockets will continue in 2021.

“Every year, everyone claims they are sick and tired of my reckless behavior. But look at them now! Begging me to save Independence Day with my fireworks show,” said Hines. “The Founding Fathers fought in a war so we could have our freedom, and I will honor these men by lightin’ up bottle rockets and shooting them at my buddies!”

Others close to Travis showed less enthusiasm for the continuing of this yearly tradition, largely because he is infamous for sending people to the hospital. 

“Last year Trav burned my ass, dude,” said his buddy Grant, who then pulled down his pants to reveal a 3 inch scar on his right buttcheek from, presumably, a bottle rocket. “But there’s nothing else going on so I guess I’ll show up wearing thicker jeans.”

According to neighbors, Travis’ Independence Day celebrations consists of him pounding a 12-pack of Labatt Blue and then launching fireworks at his closest friends and family as they run to safety. The violence is typically accompanied by Travis shouting “boom goes the dynamite!” 

At press time, Travis was loading up his Ford F-150 to make a road trip to Wisconsin to get “the good shit.”