ST. PAUL — While many are disappointed the Twin Cities will not be holding fireworks displays this 4th of July, Melvin Carter has kindly invited the entire city to come watch “Independence day” on his iPad with him instead of watching fireworks.
“What are fireworks but devices containing gunpowder and other combustible chemicals that cause a spectacular explosion when ignited? In my mind, the real sparks fly when Will Smith beats up a bunch of aliens! Now that’s dynamite baby!” said Melvin Carter, unprompted, when asked about future infrastructure plans in the city.
Hundreds of St. Paul residents are incredibly indifferent to this exciting opportunity. Miles Roomes, 26, told reporters, “I mean, last year I watched Love Actually on his iPad with him for Valentine’s day and he just kept talking about continuity errors he noticed. So, I would pass for this Independence day…but my other plans fell through, and I myself don’t own an iPad to enjoy viewing experiences.”
The viewing will take place on July 4th at 7pm at the St. Paul mayor’s home in the family room. During the movie, Melvin Carter requests phones remain off and people take notes so they can actively participate in the discussion he will run following the film.
At press time, Mayor Carter’s office issued a statement late this afternoon announcing he has lost his charger and will therefore need someone else to bring one.