Jacob Frey Spends All Day On Hold With South African Embassy Waiting To Ask If Chappie Is Real, If He Can Buy A Few

Original Photo by Tony Webster

MINNEAPOLIS — After approximately five and a half hours of waiting, Minneapolis mayor Jacob Frey is currently still on hold with the South African embassy hoping to inquire whether the line of police robots featured in Neill Blompkamp’s 2015 film “Chappie” is real and if so, if it’d be possible buy a few for use by the Minneapolis Police Department.

“I just think it’d really improve community relations if at least some of our police officers were lovable robots with goofy accents and antennae that kinda look like bunny ears,” said Frey, “and also it doesn’t hurt that Chappies are made of titanium and can rip car doors clean off with their bare hands.”

The mayor first called the Embassy in Washington, D.C. at 8 AM, demanding to speak to South African president Cyril Ramaphosa personally in order to ask him a series of questions Frey had scribbled down on a post-it note the night before, including “is Chappie real?”, “how much is it to buy one?”, “are their future guns extra?”, “why does Die Antwoord have to be so scary?”, and “can you program a Chappie to tell me I’m cool but, like, actually mean it?”.

Sources close to the mayor say he is also hoping to ask if Chappie “really did play rugby with Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman in the 90s” apparently confusing the plot of “Chappie” with that of 2009’s “Invictus”, which is also set in the southern African nation. Frey reportedly hoped to be given a rugby ball autographed by the trio because “[he] bet that’d make Melvin real jealous”.

At press time, Jacob Frey had also started to call the Disney corporate office in order to find out if the Infinity Stones are based on something real and if it’s possible to use them to increase property values.