Mall of America Archaeologists Uncover Unmarked Ossuary Containing Remains Of Peppermint Patty

A major breakthrough with the potential to shed a great deal of light on early Mall of America history was made this week when archeologists announced the discovery of an extremely rare clay ossuary they believe contains the complete skeleton of Peanuts character Peppermint Patty, the most intact find of its kind in history.

“We’ve known for some time that characters from the Charles Shultz’s cartoon ‘Peanuts’ lived in this area during the Early Mall Era sometime between 1992 and 2006 but details are sketchy,” said lead archeologist Dr. Beto Jiménez, “we don’t know, for instance, if they resided here full time or were semi-nomadic and used this area as a winter camp or religious site. The discovery of a full skeleton could revolutionize our understanding of the importance of this area in Peanuts culture.”

Jiménez and his team say work will continue in the area the ossuary was found in the hopes that other discoveries are hidden nearby including, potentially, the burial site of Patty’s nerdy sidekick Marcie.

Though the ossuary itself was unmarked, along with the bones, researchers also found a checkered green shirt and candy cigarette container labeled “P.P.” which were likely meant to accompany the deceased into the afterlife.

“No one else in Peanuts wore that shirt,” said Dr. Jocelyn Lee, a historian specializing in the Pre-Nickelodeon period, “when the ossuary was first opened, a lot of dust came billowing out and for a moment we thought it was Pig Pen but it quickly dissipated.”

There has been a marked increase in the number of illuminating archeological finds in the Mall of America over the last several years. A pair of sunglasses matching the description of the ones once worn by Joe Cool was found during routine Log Flute maintenance in 2012. A petrified nest believed to have been used by Woodstock was uncovered on the illegal antiquities market and returned to the Mall in 2017. Last year, an ancient tuba that adult Peanuts characters likely used to communicate was found in an underground cavern by a lost child.