Man Trying To One Up Neighbor’s Nativity Set Starting To Think Fake Goat Droppings, Amniotic Fluid A Little Too Realistic

After more than a week of being locked in an intense struggle to one-up his neighbor’s holiday decorations, longtime New Ulm resident and Christmas enthusiast Hubert Weiss, 48, is starting to regret building a historically accurate nativity scene in his yard. 

It all started when Weiss’s new neighbor, Garth Hackford, 52, put up a simple wooden nativity scene in his front yard. Weiss, who is known in the neighborhood for his impressive Christmas decorations, defensively put up a slightly more elaborate scene of his own. 

The next day, Hackford, who presumably took this as a challenge, had added a string of red and green lights around the baby Jesus’ head. Weiss, in turn, attached an anatomically correct element to his display: a still-attached umbilical cord.

“I thought I would set myself apart by giving it some realism,” said Weiss. “No one’s taking that angle.”

Over the next several days, Hackford had added a few tasteful wreaths and a plastic reindeer. Weiss, meanwhile, added buckets of goat and cow feces, a liter of fake amniotic fluid, moldy hay, unwashed blankets, and disease-infected styrofoam rats.

“I’m starting to think I went overboard when I set up a speaker system to play the distressed cries of a woman in labor 24/7.” said Weiss, “I hate to admit it, but I think I should have just gone with a nice Santa on the roof.”

Several nearby residents have voiced concerns over Weiss’s lifelike interpretation of the Christmas story.

“I am all for getting into the Christmas spirit,” said neighbor Sadie Graham, 34, “but does my 6-year-old have to see a donkey curiously licking a discarded placenta every time he plays outside?”

At press time, a defeated Weiss was seen taking down his nativity set, starting with a horrific, biblically-accurate plastic angel with hundreds of flaming eyes.