ROCHESTER — Mayo Clinic officials held a press conference last afternoon to unveil the latest preventative one-time vaccination against juvenile diabetes, early onset Alzheimer’s, and sickle cell anemia. Officials were also adamant to insist that the vaccination, dubbed “the miracle shot” be administered to the public, both young and old, as a part of their regular immunization schedules. Your sister-in-law is not expected to receive the new vaccine, as an avid social media follower of the unfortunately large anti-vaxx group, InNOTculate.
“This vaccination will literally change healthcare as we know it, save tens of billions of dollars in treatment, and improve mankind’s quality of life.” Chief Physician Vivian Black MD-PhD stated at the Mayo Clinic’s packed Annenberg Plaza. Your sister-in-law has stated similar benefits about the handmade infinity scarves and lavender soy candles that she sells on Etsy.
The vaccination has been in development for over 17 years, having succeeded through strenuous research, clinical testing, and regulatory approvals from multiple governmental agencies and nonpartisan groups. All of which didn’t seem good enough for your sister-in-law who thinks that burning incense in the morning is a legitimate substitute for deodorant.
The “miracle shot” will be made available to infants within the month and is slated to arrive at pharmacies for public distribution soon after. Your sister-in-law can’t wait to wear her “Anti-Vaxx Mommy” t-shirt to Walgreens in protest.