A collective sigh of relief was uttered when last Saturday, Minnesota revealed over brunch that they are a Gemini Sun, which honestly explains everything.
“Honestly, it makes so much sense,” shared Iowa, who has been a long time neighbor to Minnesota. “Gemini suns strive to be seen by others as socially agile, intelligent, and quick witted, and the way that Minnesota worked to be at the center of the news cycle for the past year really gives off these vibes.”
“Minnesota is two-faced, has been two-faced, and will always be two-faced,” stated Wisconsin. Wisconsin and Minnesota have a rivalry that is famous for its tension and the fact that no other states really care about it.
“I don’t know why we are all surprised. Minnesota is an emotional, childish state. Last time I tried to confront them about their education gap between its white and residents of color, they simply started singing The Music Man at me and tried to pivot the conversation. You can’t spell “Gemini” without “passive aggression”.”
Minnesota shared they are thrilled that they no longer harbor this secret.
“I don’t want to say that this absolves me for all the messiness I have had for the past decade, but it totally does absolve me from my messiness,” Minnesota explained while eating a Juicy Lucy and downing a Caribou Coffee.
“Like, have you ever met another Gemini Sun? We are the life of the party! You don’t ask the life of the party to have a “level head” or to “make smart decisions politically” – you asked them to open up another microbrewery and pump out another Black music star that will leave the state and only return to die.”
“Honestly, I don’t understand this whole astrology defining yourself thing,” mentioned California. “If you want to feel important, just be important. Slap on some cool clothes, get hot, and make money – simple as that.”
“Ugh, that messy Leo? Don’t listen to him,” commented Minnesota.