ST. PAUL — Governor Tim Walz signed a new bipartisan infrastructure bill today that sets aside over $700 million to maintain and revamp the thousands of potholes, cracks, and gaping chasms that litter Minnesota’s roadways.
Legislators from across the political aisle hailed the bill’s signing as an important measure in ensuring the state’s many potholes continue to be the greatest in the nation.
“This bill will create hundreds of good paying jobs protecting and managing an essential part of our state”, said Governor Walz, “after all, what are potholes but the lakes of the highway?”
The comprehensive legislation will fund a statewide effort to identify and catalogue each individual pothole, clear them of any accumulated debris, and refurbish ones that have lost their luster.
“If we find any with jagged edges, we’ll sand them down until they’re perfectly round,” said June Evans, one of the projector’s coordinators, “it will be an absolute honor to pop a tire on one of these bad boys”.
Many business owners in particular have been loudly supportive of the bill’s measures.
“I could not be happier about this,” said tire repair technician Ted Shaw, “I’m so proud to be a Minnesotan”.
Walz’s administration has also announced that individuals or organizations will soon be able to ‘adopt’ some of the particularly large potholes and have their names put on gold plaques beside them.