New MNSure Diamond Level Plans Offer Same-Day Organ Delivery

Online insurance marketplace MNSure has added new top-tier Diamond Level plans available through providers Healthpartners, Medica, and UCare. Diamond Level plans charge considerably higher premiums but provide access to better care, cover more medications, and allow customers to have any organ delivered in a YETI-brand rolling cooler to their doorstep within 12 hours, no questions asked.

In addition to guaranteeing the fastest delivery times in the business, the new plans will also cover the cost of sending a surgeon to your location via Uber to assist with installation for no extra charge to the consumer. The plans can also be supplemented with Diamond Level Dental Plans that include a subscription to “ToothCrate”, a curated box of locally sourced designer human teeth delivered monthly.

The new delivery service can easily be synced to an Amazon account, meaning customers with Echo devices can simply say, for example, “Alexa, send me a gallbladder” and the order is immediately filled.

“I woke up on a Sunday morning with a really gnarly hangover so I got a new liver sent,” said investment banker Drew Samson, a satisfied customer, “I didn’t end up needing it but hey! Free liver!”

In addition to Diamond Level, a new extra-affordable level below Bronze is also available, called “Tin Level”. Tin Level plans are the cheapest plans on offer but can come with high deductibles and copays and also give insurance companies the right to break into your room under cover of darkness, bludgeon you with a nightstick and confiscate a kidney or two.