Oh No: Jacob Frey Just Learned the Word ‘Indubitably’

Photo by Lorie Shaull

In what is being described as a possible major campaign setback, somehow Jacob Frey learned the word ‘indubitably’ and he absolutely refuses to stop using it.

“He thinks it makes him sound smart”, said Frey’s chief of staff Gia Vitali, “this is like the week he wore a Sherlock Holmes hat everywhere all over again.”

Frey has reportedly been incorporating the word into nearly every utterance he makes, emphasizing each syllable in a faux intellectual British accent while stroking his chin in an exaggerated manner. The mayor has responded to over 40 local political tweets with the sole word ‘indubitably!’ in the last hour alone.

“He doesn’t even really know how to use it,” said Vitali, “earlier I heard him on the phone ordering takeout saying he wanted an ‘indubitably sized portion of fried rice.'”

As of this publication, no one knows who taught him the word.

“I keep asking him who taught him to say that and he just keeps smirking and saying he’s always known it but come on,” said Frey’s principle policy aide Jared Jeffries, “there’s just no way.”

The mayor’s staff has been scrambling all day to find a way to get him to stop incessantly using the word before he’s required to speak in public but so far, no solution has been found. 

“I was going to hand him a thesaurus and tell him to find a new word,” said Jeffries, “but I immediately realized that could potentially lead to a much worse situation so I locked it in a safe.”

At press time, Frey’s staff was on a conference call with St. Paul mayor Melvin Carter begging him to use ‘indubitably’ in a speech in the hopes that that’d make Frey think the word is ‘no longer cool’.